Friday, July 31, 2009

How I Learned To Say No

I remember a time when a particular person was constantly
asking me to help her with some sort of time-consuming project.
Before I knew, it I had put my own projects on the back burner,
and was getting involved with hers. As time went on I became
stressed and very aggravated with this person. I started
complaining to anyone who would listen. However, I was not
brave enough to take their advice.

Then one day, my daughter and I talked about my predicament
and the negative impact that it was having on me. During our
conversation I came to realize that the person I was allowing to
obligate me with her time-consuming projects, did not really care
about the things that I wanted to do. I thought about how I had
often told her that I had things that I wanted to do, but was not
able to do because of her projects. I even told her a few months
in advance that by the start of the next season I would not be
able to help her. But that did not stop her from asking me to help.
After my daughter and I discussed my situation, I realized that I
needed to learn how to say no. She asked me to do role play with
her (which was something that she had learned in one of her
psychology courses). Anyway, her role was to persistently ask me
to engage in some sort of time consuming-matter, and my role was
to politely express my true feelings regarding this matter.

When it was time for me to say my part, I told her that I was not
going to be able to help her. I briefly explained that I am now
busy working on my own projects, and that getting involved with
projects would keep me from completing my mine. She persisted,
and I didn’t give in. I even told her that if I were to help her, I do not
believe that I would be able to concentrate on her project from
worrying about mine. And therefore I would not be able to do a
good job.

And that is how I handled it the next time I was asked for help on
a time-consuming project by that particular person.

Feel free to share in the comment box How You Learned To Say No:


  1. I took me almost my entire lifetime to learn this lesson. People will drain you dry if you let them. Life still goes on when you say NO.

  2. Hey Sheliza,
    It took me a long
    time too. :~)


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